What Ho Proles!
Well, I’ve done it. I’ve fired My Man. He’s down in the lodge right now, packing his bags and looking up bus timetables to heavens knows where.
I know it all seems a bit sudden – rash you might even say – but it came to my attention late last night that the blighter had misnumbered all the chapters of my memoirs! When I came to look, there were two chapter 16s and three chapter 11s. I told him that such shoddy work is not acceptable and he should seek employment elsewhere. I suggested he try to get work proof reading for the Guardian. It seems to be more his level…
It’s a crying shame. The chap seemed genuinely heartbroken as I gave him the rough end of the horsewhip. I suppose I should ring down to the lodge and tell him to stay put. I sometimes act a little harshly. Say what you like about the man, he’s served me well and probably deserves a second chance.
Onto matters of more significance: I see another of our football teams has been bought up by a foreign investor. I say ‘football team’ but I actually mean West Ham United. They play football of a sort but teamwork seems to be sorely lacking this season. Iraq has more unity at the moment and probably has a better defence. The investor is some Icelandic chap, a bigwig in the world of herring, no doubt. And this comes as FIFA President, Blatter, has been ranting on again about the English game not being the best yet the most attractive for investors. I’ll ignore his first point -- the man’s clearly a fool -- and address the second. Caveat emptor. I shouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that the poor Icelandic fish mogul hadn't got a bit confused and thought he was buying the company that makes John West’s Ham…
As for myself, if I have any loyalty to any team then I share Michael Howard’s affection for Liverpool. It’s a place I’d hate to visit and could not hit on a map if you gave me a paint roller, but my sports master at Eton drummed into us lads the discipline of the Bob Paisley team and it’s has stuck with me ever since. We’re struggling for form this season but I have no doubt things will come good. A team full of fresh faces needs time to work together. It’s a bit like David Cameron and the rest of us Tories. Once we hit our stride and learn to appreciate each others little ways, I’m sure we’ll be at the top of the league.
Okay. I better dash. Speaking of ham, I think I've made a bit of a ham fist of it. I’d hate My Man to disappear before I could undo the damage. I just hope he appreciates that words were said. Mistakes were made. etc. etc.
Toodle pip.
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2 comments:
I'm glad that you changed your mind. If you had decided to give your man the sack, I would have had seriously to consider my status as reader of your lovely blog.
Well, Momentary, I'm relieved to say that My Man has agreed to stay. I blame the drink and a long day, and -- perhaps -- I shouldn't have flogged him. But getting the chapters numbered incorrectly was just unacceptable. I can see that I'll have to keep a closer eye on the preparation of my manuscript in future. Since I've just gone soaring past 30,000 words, I guess the fellow is doing something right.
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