New Week, Old Problems

What Ho Proles!

I awoke this morning to find a bright blue sky above the Hall and Larry Harris sleeping off a drunken stew at the foot of the stairs. As McDuff says: ‘Such welcome and unwelcome things at once ’Tis hard to reconcile’. Once we managed to wake him up, Larry was dropping large hints about it being so nice down here that he fancied staying for the week. I hadn’t the heart to tell him that I simply have neither the time nor the room and that I had to get back to work on my memoirs… It took some organising, but things are now settled down. The next instalment will be up as soon as My Man gets around to typing it up. At the moment, he’s had to nip to London. Once Larry fell asleep again, helped no doubt by the extra large whisky I poured him at lunchtime, we bundled him into the Bentley and had My Man drive him to London.

Before I go, I must say a few words about D.W.D (or David Cameron as you lot are more likely to know him). I hear that he’s about to win some award for Parliamentarian of the Year. I say this with a certain heavy heart. Had I been in the chamber, I’m sure it would have been more of a contest. I’m still waiting to give my maiden speech, which I’ve now been working on for the last three years. The subject is a defence of the Union titled, ‘Scotland’s No France’. Had he heard it, D.W.D. might not have won. Or if he had, he might have stayed in the country to receive his damn award, instead of clearing off to Iraq. I wouldn’t mind but he’s playing Lawrence of Arabia when he should be giving a speech at the CBI. What rot!

I’m not ashamed to say that I’m an old fashioned Tory, who believes in the might of British industry. You can’t go gallivanting off, leaving your deputy to go blab about green taxes with the big fish of the nation’s commerce. These are men who appreciate large rivets, heavy iron girders, and thick deep foundations. Tony Blair managed to throw a few words like ‘investment’ and ‘profitability’ about for them, and D.W.D. should have made time to spin a yarn about the same. The next thing you’ll know, he’ll be announcing that the party has changed our policies on ties, tweed, or the right of every Englishman to defend his castle with artillery.

Anon.