An Update and A Note on Gordon Brown's Fuel Plans

What Ho Proles!

Well it’s a new week and time to earn another pound or two. The Memoirs have come on apace over the weekend. After deciding to take a rest on Saturday, I still found myself chattering away into the tape recorder and My Man tells me this morning that another 4000 words have been added to the draft manuscript.

I’ve decided to hold back from posting the next two chapters this morning because I’ve made a new resolution regarding this blog. In addition to the chapters of memoir, which I know you’re all so eager to read, I’m going to increase my postings on everyday matters that are in the news. Each day, I hope to post a little bit of Murgatroid wisdom in the belief that it will make you look with clear all-seeing eyes on the muddle that is the daily news.

I also want to encourage new readers to the site, who may be put off by long posts. I see it as my chance to get in touch with a new electorate ahead of the next general election. As you will have realised if you’ve been following the ongoing draft of my memoirs from the 2005 election, mistakes were made. They are mistakes I don’t intend to make in the future. So, today, I wanted to start of with a paragraph full of wisdom about this plan of Gordon Brown’s to help the poor pay their fuel bills.

Now, I’ve never heard such guff spoken about fuel since the last time we filled the Bentley and the chap serving us refused to give us the usual complimentary wipe of the car windows. Brown has got it all wrong by giving these people something for nothing. They’ll simply squander the money on cheap beer and cigarettes and still find it difficult to pay the electricity bill. This is why I have an alternative scheme, which has been in operation in these parts for decades. Each winter, I allow the poor to collect firewood from off the estate. So long as it doesn’t come from living trees, they’re welcome to any twigs or branches that have fallen to the ground. They seem to quite like the way we work. Some cold winter mornings, I can see the distant tree line awash with the poor as they go about laden down with twigs. And a whole lot of good it does them too… Rosy cheeked and puffing along: they seem to relish the opportunity to be out in the countryside and catching a bit of fresh air.

Gordon Brown should see the sense in this kind of scheme. A national twig gathering policy should be brought into effect before the winter really hits. It is the sensible way, the only way, and the Murgatroid way.

TTFN.