A Welcome From the Honourable Jacob P. Murgatroid

What Ho Proles!

Well, first of all: welcome my bloog. It’s been a time in coming but I’m finally set up in my little den here at Murgatroid Towers, a nice glass of cognac sitting at my elbow and my indolent staff having all retired to their beds; though after a rather paltry eighteen hour day, I do wonder if there’s not something a little wrong with them. Nevertheless, Yours Truly is still full of the beans and I’m quite set for the challenge of informing you poor ill-bred louts all about the wonderful life that is mine.

Now, I can’t anticipate that this blooging lark will be all that difficult for a chap with my education. Every little tattooed oik out there seems to have a bloog, so how difficult can it be for an ‘A’ List Tory candidate with neither a tattoo north of his buttocks nor a comprehensive education behind him? As we used to say in Eton: thank the good Lord for good breeding if it means we don’t have to eat pickled onions. So here I am: the Honourable Jacob P. Murgatroid ‘unplugged’, as we members of the MVT generation are likely to say.

I’m not saying it wasn’t a bit of an effort to set this up. My man spent the good part of the day nipping out to Harrods to pick up one of these here laptops and he’s spent a good hour this evening creating me this blooger account. I warrant there’ll be an extra shilling in his wages this month. Damn good thing we managed to get this account set up, though, because I wanted to say a quick word about the bad press I’ve been getting of late.

You might have caught one of my appearances on TV and wondered what on earth all the fuss was about. I’ll tell you what it was about: hostilities have been opened on all fronts adjacent to the world of Murgatroid. Not that I expected the BBC to have an open mind, but they portray me like something out of bad fiction. My interview on Newsnight was taken completely wrong, as though I was having a go at you lot in your council housing, eating your bacon sandwiches as you sup lager with your breakfast and your ladies walk the streets looking for a little business. So here and now, I would like to make a correction to the public account. I never said that you lot were too thick to vote. I merely said you’re too thick to vote sensibly. Which is, I hope you agree, a much more understandable point.

There, I’ve finished my first post. I knew this blooging was easy. Anything you proles can do, a gentleman is bound to do better.

Until next time,

Tally ho!